Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I THINK NOT for my own sanity.

Over malts last Sunday, a lot of nonsense are liberally shared. Suddenly, some people assume (thus making an ass of u and me) god-like status and sermonises about "everybody has a right to his opinion"...that usual jaded stuff.....stuff that is better flushed down you know where. This platitude has been hijacked and gang-raped and if Voltaire is alive today, he will be the first to bark back and say: "Be original....stop quoting me for your own selfish benefit! Voltaire said: I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it......after I kick your ass good and bash your face in." Did he say that? Of course he did. Go ask him.

Suddenly, every good son of any good mother is on this freedom of speech bullock-cart and pontificating their expertise on this. Dang, in this country, there is no such thing as freedom of speech. You are free to speak (or write) but watch your mouth. You will be Kamunting-ed!...and when that happens you can speak your heart out ....to yourself. So shut the fuck up about this free speech and defending to death my right to say things.

OK I have done ranting for today and consequentially panting. I have taken 23 deep breaths. I am calm now and will now go into an advise somebody gave me just a day ago. This nice chap said that my fart chambers is reactive and not punitive. Hello, what animal is this nice chappy enunciating? I get it, after he bought me an afternoon beer over a Champs-ribeye. What he meant was that it did not change those chamber guests of mine....men and women. He recommended that I should give them counselling after the trauma of the fart chambers. That was a capital idea until I chanced on this:

A lady Canadian liberarian wrote a lot of letters to her government,
complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgents (terrorists)
being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

She received the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters
M.Gen. George R. Pearkes Bldg,
15 NT, 101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ONK1A 0K2Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern for
the treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by
Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will be pleased to
learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense,
to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or
L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for
transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in
Toronto next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call
him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you
personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be
necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct
weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are
commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will
help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in
describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand
that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you
may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this
might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This
is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm
sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over
time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture
and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our
fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we'll be
watching. Good luck and God bless you.

No, I think not...for my own sanity......no after-chamber counselling. I will divert them to the Afghanistan School of Suicide Bombers.
So after they have been intoxicated in the Chambers, the following Al-Botak, Lawyer Nodding and that immigrant mamak from the Pearl of the Orient will be sampan-ed to Kabul. My logistics man Benny has been kind to do this gratis for a good cause. He asked me if I wanted the 2 ex-MBs ....the same character who crouched so low to administer the PM-in-waiting with the wettest of all kisses on the HAND and the chinese-ladies hater cum chalk-faced mouth-mechanic, as the box can take in two more.

I said NO. These guys can continue sucking up and.......at least there will be somebody administering to our in-coming Numero-Uno.

Now, thats a load off my weary, slipped-chest. Thanks Benny.
Time to relax like when I was 8 months old.
Truth be told....that was me....relaxed but dazed....and
malt did not come into this lovely land yet.



de minimis said...


Solid rant. But, most of all, the baby relax picture is an absolute gem. Gave me a good chuckle which is very therapeutic after reading your rant.

SFGEMS said...

This blog is an incredible eye-opener.


Anonymous said...

dear botak, why not allow mr. bernard khoo to take care of one ISA detainee ie. RPK !!

bn haramjadah said...

I couldn't stop laughing at this post, that what you call a shifting the resposibility and returning the ball on to the opponents court with such finese. wish we had this quaity of intellects.

OFF topic there have been comments about ketuanan MELAYU-UMNO.

Here is an example of Ketuanan Melayu, let me explain first what it means, it is an excuse to rape,pillage,collect under-table money by UMNO CRONIES in positions of power for grants, scholarships, loans, contracts, etc.
What is the purpose of Mara, its purpose is to help out the Ketuanan malay agenda, in other words, it is a special purpose vehicle to disburse funds, but even then it is subjected to abuses. An e.g. from personal experience, I worked for a Bumiputra company with a ratio of 96% of the staff being malays, the company applied for a grant under the prosper scheme for eexpansion, this is a fund set up to help bumi SMI’s, well the working paper and the company’s profile with a solid progress track record with following the rules and not depending on handouts, when shown to bankers for funding was approved without any questions asked, in fact the bankers said we were very conservative with our projections, whereas the reality was business was booming. Now we were recomended to Mara for grant status, after all the meetings held and the top management of Mara wanting to help out the bumi company, as a shining example and a showcase to other bumi companies to follow. The bottom line the funding eventhough approved by the top management was approved was rejected by the funding committee. We were informally contacted by a third party and when I met this third party, it turns out He was the lobbiest and runner for certain influental members from the Mara financial committee, What did he want? HE TOLD US IF YOU WANT THE FUNDING, YOU WILL PAY US 15% OF THE GRANT AMOUNT AS OUR COMMISSION, So I asked him so how does this work, payment by check not acceptable, our grant request was for rm500,000.00, so the payment to this runner/lobbiest/ shark was Rm 45,000. to be paid in cash the moment the letter of approval is issued, but go back on your word and it gets cancelled on a technicality. When we contacted the person from Mara he acknowledged the third parties existence and acknowledged the deal. When I informed the directors in the board meeting, they were so incensed and disgusted they cancelled the whole thing but not before informing the top management of Mara, WELL GUESS WHAT, the people involved, nothing happened to them.
What am I trying to say, there are Bumi businessmen out there whocarry on doing their business, who don’t want to be part and parcel of this corruption, so they stay away from all these snake pits of ‘KETUANAN MELAYU’, but the pressure put on your company can at times kill the business, they have tentacles everuwhere, when pressure was put on the company for reporting the incident to the higher ups, the bchairman of the board gave an ultimation which I delivered to the third party concerned, leave us alone or we will file charges with the ACA, ALL OUR PHONE CONVERSATIONS WERE RECORDED, so everything was on tape, the pressure stopped within2 days. THATS HOW THINGS WORK, either you are with us, or if you are against us STFU, or we make life very difficult for you. Our advantage was we did not depend on the local markets whose doors were shut to us in retaliation but on exports. SO who says ketuanan Melayu helps the Malay businessmen, IN reality it doesn’t. This is a collusses of corruption which runs through every GOVT. backed machinery. Thats the KETUANAN MELAYU THAT THEY ARE HARPING ABOUT, to rape, pilage and line their pockets in the name of KETUANAN.

Anonymous said...

View Latest American Presidential Result @
1) CNN - 1
2) CNN - 2
3) Fox News
4) C-Span
5) Bloomberg
6) Rai News 24

Esok America Buat Sejarah, Dimana Pula Malaysia?

Anonymous said...

Pink Panther

A Woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'' About 32,' is the reply.

''Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29'. The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are'. They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?''

‘I promise I won't' she says.

The old man said, 'I was behind you at McDonalds!'

k a l a m b o n g said...

Dear Zorro,

In case you want to know, the L.A.R.K. program was first posted here -- http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2006/08/irresistable.html

But the guy admitted that he received it from an email.

The whole thing dated 2006, and the first version was about the Pentagon and Donald Rumsfeld.

k a l a m b o n g said...

Wait, me bad.

Further digging reveals that, back in 2003, someone posted on the Free Republic the first version of the LARK program was already circulating !

The poster claimed that it was an old file on his hard drive !

See the post at