Monday, October 31, 2011


I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve Perkatak related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?

Just thinking deeply about the next sponsor for my wife’s handbags and her shopcoholic daughter.

Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem……my monorail.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the EPG and envisioning a new paradigm for CHOGM….minus the irritating irritaTUN!

Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the sleepy heads!

This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the BTN boot camp.

I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

"I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake."

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Pardon me, while I take my power nap. My wives just completed their COW (club of obedient wives) modules last night.

A power nap is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you.

"Sleep is the most moronic fraternity in the world, with the heaviest dues and the crudest rituals.

"Some people talk in their sleep. Speakers talk while other people sleep.

I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP).

Sunday, October 30, 2011



Geronimo: Should any harm come to the good professor, Umno will face an uprising like it never seen before and this time, it will not be from Bersih but from the students themselves who will take the leading role.

Not Confused: What depths this sad country has sunk to when a learned professor voices his legal opinion on an important issue, gets a bullet in the mail.
He didn't insult the royalty.

The morally bankrupt BN underDr Mahathir Mohamad did far worse in the past. And this is supposed to be an Islamic country.

Keturunan Malaysia: Our country is so full of daily shocks until nothing shocks us anymore, except that if a day passes us by without having a single one.

The deafening silence of the silent majority is indeed an ominous sign and indeed, when the time comes, the seething rage that keep piling up will explode and translate into votes against the few strong and powerful.

Anonymously: Abdul Aziz, be brave for you are not alone. Don't let such criminal intimidation get the better of you. Like what PAS vice-president Husam Musa rightly said, you have become an icon of the rakyat.

Milosevic: It was none other than Mahathir who said during the constitutional crisis that the sultans had done nothing for the Malays, and it was only Umno which had saved them.

The sultans, he claimed. were prepared to sell out Malay interests with the Malayan Union proposal. Did the bullet sender get the wrong address?

It is becoming clear to ordinary Malays that Umno is no longer serving their interests, and as such the party is in a tight spot. Party leaders are mobilising all kinds of institutions, from the previously ridiculed royalty to religious chauvinist organisations to prop them up.

However, since these do not provide intellectual and moral power to win the hearts and souls of the people, their role is limited to shoring up authoritarianism and spreading paranoia to silence broader discussion about alternatives for Malaysia.

There is a direct correlation between Umno's ineffectiveness and decadence and the mushrooming of new saviours for Islam and the Malays.

Nik V: The question of ‘whodunit' is something that will probably never be solved as long as BN is in power.
But the bigger question is whether the Sultan of Selangor is magnanimous enough to state officially that he finds such acts of sending bullets and threatening any of his subjects in such a way as despicable, and that if in fact Prof Aziz Bari had said anything wrong, His Highness would wait for the law to follow due process.

That act alone will show the rakyat that even the Sultan of Selangor will not tolerate those claiming to defend his name, and who in fact end up painting the royalty in bad light.

One Brain Cell: If I were the Selangor sultan, I would be absolutely horrified and outraged that some quarters are committing serious crimes like making death threats against academics in my name.

Whatever Aziz Bari said about the sultan, it was a civilised critique. This bullet-in-the-mail, however, is low-grade thuggery and I can think of no greater insult to our constitutional monarchs than for such disgraceful threats to be issued in any sultan's name.

Nil: Just what constitute an offence against His Highness or "to cause mischief"? Do I take it that whatever the sultan says or does are beyond criticism? Can a sultan ever be wrong?

MCA Member: I agree with Multi Racial. The sultan, being a person who should be seen to be above the fray, should come out with a statement to diffuse the situation.

The sultan has to bear in mind that rakyat of today are very much aware of democratic principles and freedom of speech.
It will certainly do a great deal of good to the image of the royalty if the sultan recognises these facts and absolve Prof Bari of any wrongdoing and send the rakyat the message that this sultan is a righteous and forgiving sultan and is willing to listen to the rakyat, warts and all - not only the good things, but also the not-so-good things.

Multi Racial: I think the Sultan of Selangor should not keep quiet but to speak out against the recent attacks against Aziz Bari.

If the sultan did that, it goes to show how magnanimous a person he is. It is also an opportunity for him to elevate himself above politicians.

As ruler of the state, his primary interest should be solely on what is good for Selangor as well as its people. regardless of race and religion.

This is the time for the royalty to win back the respect and support of Malaysians at large.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Friday, October 28, 2011


Pontios Pīlātos), known in the English-speaking world as Pontius Pilate, was the fifth Prefect of the Roman province of Judaea, from AD 26–36. He is best known as the judge atJesus' trial and the man who authorized the crucifixion of Jesus.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Pilate washes his hands to show that he was not responsible for the execution of Jesus and after announcing "I find in him no fault at all", reluctantly sends him to his death.

Our inFamous Five (sorry Enid Blyton!) washed their hands when they gave us a wishy-washy verdict that Teoh Beng Hock was driven to suicide.

They washed their hands again when they hinted of the three officers who “PUSHED” TBH to suicide.

Of course they will continue to wash their hands again since the MACC said that the three culprits are under an internal investigation.

Wahing of hands repeatedly is a medical condition. Some call it a fetish. Clinically it is also called OCD – obsessive compulsive disorder. What do you guys think of our 5 Pontius Pilates? Shall we crucify them?


Whilst doing the dishes last night I heard Najib say to an Australian interviewer at the ongoing CHOGM in Canberra, that although Malaysia is not a signatory “we treat refugees very well!”

Many refugees from Burma take desperate measures to evade Rela raids. A 22-year-old Mon refugee crouches in the thick vegetation next to her hut. Afraid of being caught by Rela, she and close to 100 other Mon refugees live in a swamp located in an industrial district outside of Kuala Lumpur. When this photo was taken, she had been living in the swamp for six months and had not been able to find a job. (Pic by Greg Constantine)

A Rohingya vegetable trader pleads to local authority personnel for leniency during a raid in a market in Kuala Lumpur. (Pic by Rahman Roslan)

Due to the ordeal of escaping Burma and living as a refugee in Malaysia, the man in this picture fell into a depression and has subsequently committed suicide. (Pic by Halim Berbar)

In a June 2008 I put up this posting HERE.


Thursday, October 27, 2011


Perkesa was celebrating its second year of existence and instead of some fresh faces with some fresh ideas, in came some old faces and ideas well-past shelf life. Perkasa flung open its recruitment window and in came a blast of foul air:

Beware of a "human rights wave" that would threaten the principles on which the country was founded, warns former convicted PIG, IGP Rahim Noor in his address to Perkasa. Sauna or hot air!

In introducing Zulkifli Nordin as a candidate for Perkatak Perkasa vice-president, a supreme council member Arip described the sacked PKR MP as someone who had seen the light after being booted. A new relationship on poo heap, no?

There was a general consensus that Ridhuan Tee not be allowed to join Perkasa because he is not a Malay who claims to be a Malay just because he embraced Islam and practises the culture and customs of the Malays. Unless and until the constitution gets another amendment he remains a culup Malay, an insider insisted.

“Seems to be attracting some aged UMNO discards and a disgruntled film producer/director and aspiring human trafficker,” observed a discerning observer.

Another discerning outsider observer told a somewhat embarrassed insider: “Wald Dhroot! (literally translated: Son of a fart!). That white-haired guy in the front row was a Minister who sang his way out of UMNO. When not singing, he breaks wind!”

Honestly, I was thinking (to myself) that Perkasa was shaping up to be a good alternative for UMNO after GE13. UMNO would be irrelevant as its coalition would be obliterated by then. As it is MIC is going, MCA, also going and Gerakan, long gone! I will not mention the other ass-wipes flea members of the soon to be extinct arthritic BN mammoth.

But nature, like always, must run its course. Where there is poo galore, flies invariably gather.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Throughout most of corporate life, I have been guided by a former MD’s advice to get things done fast:

It is easier to ask for FORGIVENESS than PERMISSION!

As a teacher of 19 years, I do remember that in multiple choices, there is always a (d) ANSWER. As such I have taken the liberty in include my (ds). I crave your indulgence and forgiveness. I also live by the wise words of my 92 year old Taiping-born mum who wrote this on my autograph book in 1950: NEVER OFFEND! PLEASE A LADY AND SHE WILL SAY YOU ARE WONDERFUL. (Of course, I will have multiple choices).

So far, this has worked! Mariam?

In her latest column in Malaysiakini Mariam Mokhtar asked:

Have you got what it takes to be an Umno politician? Take the test and find out.

1. Your special advisor phones you claiming that his foreign girlfriend is demanding money. She threatens to expose him and his dealings with you. What do you advise him to do?

(a) Pay her the money and send her away.

(b) Send her a legal letter saying she is blackmailing your friend, and have her deported.

(c) Get your security police to take her away, shoot her twice in the face and blow up her body in the jungle.

d) Like a good party man, I will diligently seek advisement from my Prime Minister and FLOM. A winnable politician will cover all bases. Sailful did, no?

2. The opposition has won control in one of the states and you are anxious to wrest it back. How would you resolve this?

(a) Wait for the next general election and in the meantime work on winning over the public’s confidence.

(b) Find a copy of the opposition’s policies, improve on their ideas and then pass these new revised policies as your own party’s.

(c) With a suitcase full of money try and ‘persuade’ the person who confirms the appointment of the menteri besar, that your selected candidate is the best choice for the state.

(d) Visit all the frog farms aka depleted mining pools in Perak, select potential hoppers and send them to Chinese restaurants for complete annihilation.

3. You are losing the Malay vote and random surveys indicate that your party will lose in the upcoming general election. What will you do?

(a) Go on roadshows to the rural Malay heartlands and show them how your policies will change their lives for the better.

(b) Go on roadshows to the rural Malay heartlands and tell them that the opposition’s policies are rubbish

(c) Make three million Indonesian, Bangladeshi and Filipino migrant workers citizens of Malaysia, then give them jobs in exchange for their voting rights (to vote for your party).

(d) put these new citizens into New Villages for better control thereby creating another base for postal votes.

4. Your domineering wife aspires to be a politician and you fear she might do a better job than you. She is a determined lady and more importantly, wears the pants at home. What is your course of action?

(a) Tell her to get herself nominated like everyone else, and go through the usual motions of becoming an elected candidate

(b) Explain how hard you’ve worked, going on the road for ceramah and that you need her by your side for support

(c) Give her a suitably large diamond ring and enough Hermes Birkin bags to keep her distracted. Tell her the national airline is at her disposal to fly her on shopping trips abroad.

(d) Arbitrarily declare your wife as live President of COW (Club of Obedient Wives) thus rubbishing Phd sex which will not foster procreation in that chongkat “seeds will not get into the right holes” for successful fertilization (thanks Monyet King)

5. Your daughter is about to be engaged to the son of a powerful ‘don’ and you want to create a lasting impression. The only problem is that the ceremony is abroad and you do not want to appear to be stingy.

(a) You phone your prospective in-laws and say that you would prefer a quiet, modest ceremony attended by a few close members of the family.

(b) You inform your daughter that she ought to get a job first and work for a few years before setting up home.

(c) You arrange a trade delegation in the country where the ceremony is to be held and you fly your family and 500 close friends to attend the ceremony, on the pretext of attending an official function. You tell the taxpayers that they will be delighted to view the photos of this momentous occasion that you will post on Facebook.

(d) Coax Alex Ferguson to endorse this ManU(factured) coalition and be Guest of Honor at the high table.

6. The companies bidding for the tender of the multi-million ringgit road project have met your civil servants to discuss the details and specifications. What is your response?

(a) You do nothing but leave it to the technical experts to evaluate their proposals to award the contract to the most suitable bidder.

(b) You tell your office to keep you informed of the outcome because you want to show interest.

(c) You get your girlfriend to phone each of the companies and tell them that to ‘win’ the contract means a tidy sum of money upfront and a share of the profits, once the contract is awarded.

(d) Tell the contractors to go full steam ahead on condition that the tunnel does not pass under a VVIP’s mansion. It will be ok to skirt the mansion.

7. The Chinese have wised up, after 54 years of your party’s lies. You cannot trust them to deliver their votes. What do you do?

(a) Try and re-engage with them by visiting their communities and arranging talks with their business associations.

(b) Speak to Chinese colleagues in your party.

(c) Tell your staff to spread the word that the Chinese are pendatang and should return to their country of origin.

(d) As a winnable candidate, I will not waste time and resources courting the Chinese voters who have gone over to DAP and PAS. Two males and one female FROGS, all CHINESE is lesson enough.

8. Article 11 of the constitution ensures Malaysians the freedom of religion. Non-Muslims, are unhappy with temples being demolished and cemeteries being located beside sewage plants. How do you deal with this?

(a) Arrange to meet with the religious representatives to discuss an amicable solution.

(b) Set aside land for temples and cemeteries.

(c) Raid their dinner parties and then organise a march to protest about non-Muslims trying to proselytise the Muslims with the lure of a makan.

(d) This is of great import and as such I will seek the counsel of the Sultan of Perak’s mufti and Hasan Ali of PAS. No! Ibrahim Ali is anathema! This is about religion and not race.

9. What did your friends think of you at school?

(a) Hardworking and helpful

(b) Good at sports and a team-player

(c) A bully, a racist and a show-off

(d) To be a winnable candidate, a prerequisite is HONESTY! Those who know me know that most often I played truant. Those who are close to me know that I am a winnable lallang and have an innate instinct to play to win! Ask my estranged parents and siblings! Without a doubt they will certify this.

10. In your opinion, what qualities should a good politician have?

(a) Ability to listen and empathise

(b) Good at problem solving

(c) Ability to tell lies and put on two faces

(d) Run when the going is good. I don’t want to be like that Klang railway gatekeeper who built a mansion and died in 2008 without enjoying occupancy.

How did you do?

Mostly As: Oops. You are honest, fair and enterprising and should choose another profession.

Mostly Bs: Very good, but you haven’t got quite what it takes to be a politician. You need to brush up on your political awareness. In the meantime, you would make a good political adviser. Try again for GE14.

Mostly Cs: Congratulations! BN need look no further and Najib Abdul Razak will award you a nice shiny medal.

If you perform, there will be a mega-contract or two for being smart enough to know what is required of you, but dumb enough to think your political role is important.

( I will leave my Ds to Mariam’s wise judgement and assessment! Am I forgiven Mariam….forgive lah, I also Perak mali, Taiping lang and an eco-warrior too! HERE.)


Datuk Sak's contribution below