FIGURES: LIKE IT OR NOT WE GOT TO LIVE WITH THEM.

I got an F9 for Maths. Hello, this has nothing to do with F1. F9 during my time means you failed miserably in Maths and you are beyond redemption.

However I developed a penchant for figures, like from 36-25-36 (the preferred figure then) to A-cup size to C cup size (now according to a lady friend, got G-cup too…..she should know….she merchandises those G-force things at some Parade). Then came along half-cup (ding-a-ling I loved those) and full-cup. Everything to do with and encased in figures I liked…..until Peace Corp friend Connie Sperfslage went berserk and burned all her half-cups in solidarity with the Women Liberation Movement in the US. When you don’t have to use any effort, the atavistic instinct in man gets depleted. According to Connie that was their way to get at us Male Chauvinistic Pigs during that era. Ah but Connie was something else despite her avowed feminist pursuits. She was still the purty country juke-box queen when I visited her in Topeka, Kansas. She still got that stunning figure that could cure you if you are cross-eyed. OK let’s get back to figures.

When marriage took over our philandering days, only one type of figure mattered. What figure is needed to put bread on the table; how much more if two kids come along? It meant one beer less or only one night per week to storm the pubs. Those were daunting days with figures and it sapped your creative juices. But we prevailed, though without much help figure-wise because we were cronies to no top dogs and our friends were ordinary Malaysians figuring out the figures for monthly survival and future security.

Then Kamal, my best Bumi buddy came along with a different set of figures:

When one Malay is alone, he will smoke his daun rokok under some shady pokok

When one Chinaman is alone, he will pick his nose whilst playing Solitaire (Patience)

When one Indian is alone, he chews sireh.

When two Malays get together, they talk about girls.

When two Chinese get together, they talk about the next alibaba partnership.

When two Indians get together, they talk about dowry.

When three Malays congregate, they talk politics.

When three Chinese congregate, they play 3-kaki mahjong

When three Indians congregate, they want to form a Union.

To me these are entertaining and easy to figure out.

CURRENTLY figures (especially the figure 2) are beginning to be problematic

No we have two MBs in Perak,

Two presidents in PPP

Two 1 Malaysia….one BN, one Black

We were used to one frog jumping, now we have to contend with 2 sets of frogs - 2 males and one female(?)

Two sets of judiciary, one set OK, the other upper set, rotten to the core.

MACC’s two sets of enforcement: one for friendly people, the other for not-friendly-at-all people.

One bridge but 2 designs….awaiting certification in Book of World Oddities.

Two Speakers, one Sultan approved, the other UMNO approved and appointed.

Two types of pepper sprays – one workable and the other disguised as key-chain

Two types of bloggers – one UMNO bloggers, the other Barisan Rakyat Bloggers.

…………..ad infinitum

But I wouldn’t mind

2 Chief Justices

2 Police Inspector General

2 Attorney Generals

WHY?

But never, never, never 2 Prime Ministers!!!! One to govern and the other to give cues....God forbid.

Dang, this is getting me woozy….time for a few happy hour DOUBLE snorts.

Sri, three fingers and 2 ice. Terima Kasih.