Tuesday, May 26, 2009

FIGURES: LIKE IT OR NOT WE GOT TO LIVE WITH THEM.

I got an F9 for Maths. Hello, this has nothing to do with F1. F9 during my time means you failed miserably in Maths and you are beyond redemption.


However I developed a penchant for figures, like from 36-25-36 (the preferred figure then) to A-cup size to C cup size (now according to a lady friend, got G-cup too…..she should know….she merchandises those G-force things at some Parade). Then came along half-cup (ding-a-ling I loved those) and full-cup. Everything to do with and encased in figures I liked…..until Peace Corp friend Connie Sperfslage went berserk and burned all her half-cups in solidarity with the Women Liberation Movement in the US. When you don’t have to use any effort, the atavistic instinct in man gets depleted. According to Connie that was their way to get at us Male Chauvinistic Pigs during that era. Ah but Connie was something else despite her avowed feminist pursuits. She was still the purty country juke-box queen when I visited her in Topeka, Kansas. She still got that stunning figure that could cure you if you are cross-eyed. OK let’s get back to figures.

When marriage took over our philandering days, only one type of figure mattered. What figure is needed to put bread on the table; how much more if two kids come along? It meant one beer less or only one night per week to storm the pubs. Those were daunting days with figures and it sapped your creative juices. But we prevailed, though without much help figure-wise because we were cronies to no top dogs and our friends were ordinary Malaysians figuring out the figures for monthly survival and future security.

Then Kamal, my best Bumi buddy came along with a different set of figures:

When one Malay is alone, he will smoke his daun rokok under some shady pokok

When one Chinaman is alone, he will pick his nose whilst playing Solitaire (Patience)

When one Indian is alone, he chews sireh.

When two Malays get together, they talk about girls.

When two Chinese get together, they talk about the next alibaba partnership.

When two Indians get together, they talk about dowry.

When three Malays congregate, they talk politics.

When three Chinese congregate, they play 3-kaki mahjong

When three Indians congregate, they want to form a Union.

To me these are entertaining and easy to figure out.

CURRENTLY figures (especially the figure 2) are beginning to be problematic

No we have two MBs in Perak,

Two presidents in PPP

Two 1 Malaysia….one BN, one Black

We were used to one frog jumping, now we have to contend with 2 sets of frogs - 2 males and one female(?)

Two sets of judiciary, one set OK, the other upper set, rotten to the core.

MACC’s two sets of enforcement: one for friendly people, the other for not-friendly-at-all people.

One bridge but 2 designs….awaiting certification in Book of World Oddities.

Two Speakers, one Sultan approved, the other UMNO approved and appointed.

Two types of pepper sprays – one workable and the other disguised as key-chain

Two types of bloggers – one UMNO bloggers, the other Barisan Rakyat Bloggers.

…………..ad infinitum

But I wouldn’t mind

2 Chief Justices

2 Police Inspector General

2 Attorney Generals

WHY?



But never, never, never 2 Prime Ministers!!!! One to govern and the other to give cues....God forbid.

Dang, this is getting me woozy….time for a few happy hour DOUBLE snorts.

Sri, three fingers and 2 ice. Terima Kasih.



23 comments:

matt said...

Master it time for pr also to take action to show who is the state govt,after reading MI story on mpsp enforcement guys behaving like bn goons.I SAY SCREW THEM TO KINGDOM COME TO SHOW WHO IS THE BOSS.

Anonymous said...

Bernard, the most important 2's is I hope all of us will have THE 2 BALLS to fight all the way for CHANGE!!! Don't give up, buddies, the day will come where everything will go back to "1".

In the meantime, have 2 beers on me Bernard and don't stay up till
2 a.m. Remember, there are 2 sets of laws, one for drinkers and one for non drinkers. CHEERS.

Anonymous said...

Unker z....greetings....

U`re in your toppest element in writing this today..almost bursted my guts laughing ....of course icing on the cake was the pic on the act of shagging...

Cheers....!!!!!

taru

26 May 2009

zorro said...

Anon7:33pm....yes mine will be intact to keep on dangling with the powers that be as opponents.
Thanks....very aware of the two sets of laws. Mat Rempits are of course let off easily!

matt said...

Remember that posting done by wenger it got removed and guess who attacked him the most,those bpn monkeys.Well that say's it all for umno it is mamaks first malays second.

Melayu Sengal said...

Hello Uncle Zor,

When you say F9, was that for LCE or SC. If it's for SC, lucky you.
I did not get thru' even SRP....

That's why Melayu Sengal.

zorro said...

M Sengal....SC lah! But we survive yah? Cheers bruder.

backStreetGluttons said...

great gawd ! your killer riddles are getting deeply dangerous ! One surely will hit Him or issit Her.
Patience is key to success and you have them , ever since you figured it out years ago

Anonymous said...

I'll be contented just kept busy with two nice boobs!... not those G-cups from Wanita UMNO.
No time for beer lah chegu.

Parody of Bolehland said...

You forgot two poor cops and supposedly 2 others involved in a Mongolian lass murder
1Malaysia 2 many
2bridges 2 many down south
2 SDs giving 2 correct versions of 1 truth
and never 2-late to change for a better 2-morrow :P

Antares said...

I figure we've all had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH of the Crime Minister's unfunny antics. Guess we'll require some outside help. How about we get some Mongolian ninjas to tangkap the Musang and get him to squeal?

Anonymous said...

How about 31 set of frog from BN who NEARLY jump to PR during last 16 Sept. Is it ok?

zorro said...

Anon9:52pm....and who was the first to ask for crossing over....ask Khir Toyo on the early morning of 9 March 2008 when Selangor was lost. Khalid Samad of PAS can vouch for that. You did not know? Of course you may be awake but have not got out of bed yet. That figures.

Anonymous said...

Unca Zorro,

U r so... funny! Made me laugh so hard....!!!

Yeah...! We all know what's going on in Malaysia...!
Sad yah.....!!

But I still 'love' my country, Malaysia. Becoz I am "Anak Bangsa Malaysia"............!!!

Wish those BN supporting goons "wake up" and understand what's all these are about........!

Let's hope...!

Anonymous said...

90%, 90% , 90%.....wat is it about !?
90% of tax income comes from olang cina & dpm said : ' NO, we dun give
money to their independent SCHOOLs since they are 'merdeka' & we dun recognise their certificates TOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey, mca & gerakan , are you all deaf
& DEAD ...@#$%^&* ...!!!

Sheila said...

Hearing an old man talk about 36-25-36 gives me the creeps....

Old Fart said...

How you get F9? With so much knowledge of your A, B and Cs and so on and what they represent, your algebra must be very good what!!!!

R4Os said...

Dear unker Zorro,

really like this post on "figures":
Calculus was my favorite math topic,
Shapely Christy Cheung was my favorite pin-up gal,
Shagging Baboons reminds us of our Be eNd goons,

3 cheers from Beerwolf, hahaha.......

R4Os said...

Sheila, u may b underaged to read this blog, grow up lar.......

zorro said...

Old Fart, the only question in algebra that I dared to attempt is "Simplification" and then I inevitable get a tummy-ache to leave the exam hall.

R4Os....Christy CHUNG ....I expected you to say 2 cheers....
and leave innocent Sheila alone. She lah will know one day.

Sheila....did I mention 36" breast,25" hip and 36" bum zone? You shouldn't be reading too much Hustler mags.

Jules said...

Sheila wrote, "Hearing an old man talk about 36-25-36 gives me the creeps..."

Why Sheila? You suffering from gerascophobia? Or fear of breasts? Are you anorexic? A closet misogynist, perhaps?

Otherwise I cannot imagine why you choose to be so rude and thoughtless.

You log into Uncle Bernard's site, read (is the correct word to use, Sheila, not hear) his article, insult him as an "old man", post your "creepy" remark.

What next?

Anonymous said...

the PKFZ scandal lagi terror lah !

Eric said...

Tq for the free advertisement Bernard!