Tuesday, April 29, 2008

LIGHT & EASY WITH THE IRREPRESSIBLE AH BENG.



Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

====
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

====
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

====
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

====
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Fisherman's Wharf at Taman Desa last night, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

====
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching ManU bungkus Locky Blu's Stoke City,what...'

====
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

====
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

====
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

====
Ah Beng in National Press Club and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

====
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

====
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

====
Ah Beng told his maid: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take umbrella and go.'

====
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

(Notice...something....his English has improved...less of the Chinglish 'mah')...that's because he mixes with good company.....me and TV Smith....and less with Patrick the Teoh. Gotcha Niamah!When do we three knock glasses and splash around the malts?.

Thanks Mike, my younger biological brother for the much improved , but still irrepressible Ah Beng.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ahhahahaha,

Thats dam good Ah Beng story, i have just copied and save it.

Keep it going my man!

Laughing fisherman from the wharf.

CK Tan said...

haha.... funny uncle!

Anonymous said...

really cheering me up in the middle of exam weeks.. tq :D

Anonymous said...

drinks on me at the wharf! only for the uncle!
: )) hahaha

Anonymous said...

Chinese version of pak pandir...;)

Chow Kit Cowboy said...

Chow Kit Cowboy : Why did Zorro Unmask?

Ah Beng : Because he didn't want to be mistaken for Khir Toyo.

Mr Bojangles said...

How about these:

China Doll: "Your honor, I want to divorce Ah Beng, my husband."
Judge: "But why?"
CD:"Because he is not faithful to me."
Judge: "How do you know?"
CD: "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Ah Beng: "Do you talk to your wife during sex?"
Ah Fatt: "Depends. If I can find a phone."

Ah Beng to China Doll on their wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"
CD: "Of course, loh. I stayed awake with all the others!"

Ah Beng. I took my powerful stereo set to Washington but couldn't use it there.
Ah Fatt: Why not?
Ah Beng: You see,my set is AC and Washington is DC.

What a dull place this would be sans the Ah Bengs and Ah Longs and suchlike jokers all over the globe. Shows how similar people are all over this planet -- just change the context and names and the laughs will be as loud and long.

Anonymous said...

good i like your writing
thanks

shanghaistephen said...

to chow kit cowboy....please , please don't leave your daytime job !
Cheers zorro and thanks for that single malt ( one cube of ice )at Gus' last night...phew.... hit me HARD all over!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Ah Beng is a real Pak Pandir but funnier.

Anonymous said...

Oh no not more recycled irish/polish /blonde jokes. Don't you realise that this is racial stereotyping and not to mention, in bad taste.

Anonymous said...

what bad taste? what racial? what sterotype? definitelly this guy have not tried Maccellan!

at the wharf it is all about good stuff, good food, good taste, good friends from all over and no differentiation all are good people, no chinese no malay no indians no irish no polish! just all good people coming together for all the good stuff that life has to offer!

From: fish head

petluc said...

He He. Thanks Uncle.....borrowed some of it for my blog. lelaks a bit ma.....:-)

How about this:
Ah Lian went to Balai to report rape......Officer, I got raped by an Idiot....Officer asked how come you know he is an idiot?.....Oh, Ah Lian said, I had to help him.

Peter C