BRISBANE AIR DEFINITELY NOT GOOD FOR RPK

PETE claims this email sent to him HERE as blasphemous. Hey, mate, I thought by now you would have assimilated into the free breezy ways of Down There. Dinkum, fair dinkum (genuine) you are not dinkum Aussie yet!

You got to gel mate. Of course I don't blame you, sungoh2, you being a true-blue religio-centric Malaysian where what one utters is either blasphemous or seditious.

CLICK ON IMAGE TO READ

We will have to ask Interpol to relocate you to a more conducive clime where nobody speaks, thinks or breathes blasphemously.

I hate it when you scowl like that! Brizzie (Brisbane, State Capital of Queensland) is not your mug of piss (beer). Perhaps what HANTU just brought in will give you a different take on blasphemy. Sometimes it is called paradoy, satire. Back here, of course they will hang you by the balls and caption it SEDITION. Fair suck of the sav! (exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief ) you are no
conch (somebody who would rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.) Go take the cook (wife) and take in the Brisbane surf but do be careful of the Bondi Cigar or the brown-eyed mullet (a turd in the sea (where you're swimming!)

Chaucer would have loved to read this and I hope Pete, you would too: The unexpurgated, unplugged diary of QEII:

6 May 2009

Dear Diary,

One is SOOO pissed off! One has thought of divorcing that TWAT before, but never as much as this moment!

Prince Philip was caught trying to smuggle ecstacy tablets into a nightclub on Friday night! One CANNOT believe it!

The Prince even had the nerve to wear my second best crown into the club - and replaced the white sapphires with ecstacy pills so he wouldn't get caught!

Next thing you know one is woken up at 4.30am with sirens and lights flashing and a gun pointed in one's face!

Yes, the pigs conducted a raid on one's house!

Nearly had a heart attack when one saw all that powder and pills being hauled out from Phil's underwear drawer.

Have not told ANYONE that the ketamine was mine. Phil can take the blame for that, the big twat.

Too mad to continue writing, but back later w... ...with further update.

QEII

ps. Bet Charles is foaming at the mouth thinking he's going to get one's crown after this little incident! One thinks NOT!

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9 May 09

Dear Diary,

Michelle text me this morning: "Wat u up 2?"
Told her not much and one hoped she hadn't been listening to idle gossip about one's husband.

She said she had heard something about Phil getting busted holding up a petrol station with an intravenous needle full of heroin. She hoped one was OK.

Told her story was exageratted ever so slightly - one hardly thinks getting caught with £60,000 worth of A-Class drug is the same thing as holding up a petrol station!

She said she was coming over next week to support husband opening new primary school for disadvantaged children

.

God that man is a geek!

Can't believe hot chick like her is with such a dick!

Counting down days till one sees her though!

QEII : )

14 May 2009

Dear Diary

Guess WHO had lunch with Michelle yesterday?

Not one that's for sure! She blew one off again to visit some bald-headed freaky kid in a cancer hospital!
What must one do to get her to take notice of one?

So upset, feel like crying.

Meanwhile Willie confessed that him and Kate have already fornicated! If Kate is not a virgin then she cannot marry Willie! Does she not know that?

One is speaking to royal advisors about scandal tomorrow. One has already started looking through Lonely Hearts ads in newspaper to find Willie more suitable partner.

Saw a lovely girl who says she likes poetry, candelit dinners and S&M. One is assuming S&M means stars & moons. An astrologer! One may contact lovely lass today and try schedule lunch at palace.

QEII

24 May 2009

Dear Diary,

One has had ENOUGH of those bloody politicians! Who the hell do they think they are and what are they doing to my country?

One has HAD IT!

One swears if one hears even ONE more scandal, one more story about expensing porn movies to the tax payer, to MY people, one is going to have THE LOT OF THEM cast out!

One thinks farmyard animals would lead this country better than they do!

HATE HATE HATE!

One HATES them!

Grrrr!

Gordon Brown you are SUCH a bastard!

QEII

(The Palace must have done away with the Majestic WE....looks like it is ONE now.)