Thursday, June 26, 2008

HE GOT AN A+ FOR THIS DISSERTATION!

I don't want to speculate about the existence of the above. To me, we do our hell on earth. For the too religious amongst us, if you thrive on self-immolation or a fire-loving hell-raiser and want to go to hell, I ain't stopping nobody. Enjoy this read that I received from my brother Mike:


The following is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one
student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.


This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
and then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Good Night....got to go for "Save Our Lake" meeting. Bound to be thirsty after this.

29 comments:

J. D. Lovrenciear said...

Sir,

Brilliant. This is what we call 'Thoughts'. Unfortunately, we cannot expect such 'processes of ratio fundamentalist from Malaysian students.

All that our school system has produced in the past 30 years is: mug so you can score an A+ by regurgitating.

What I call 'Zero Thought - Malaysian style'.

And the same would in all likelihiood apply for many thousands of graduates that we are producing by the gunny sacks these past 20 years.

Good luck ala Malaysian education system. No apologies to anyone if this truth hurts!

J. D. Lovrenciear

Wattahack? said...

MY GOD! this is why I wanna go back to study! Which place this dude is at?

Anonymous said...

great one, zorro.

and goose luck in your fight to preserve the lake.

Chow Kit Cowboy said...

El Zorro! You think any student of our "top universities with 4 or 5 stars" is capable of writing something like this?

Most probably, they will all want their lecturers to give them strong "hints" if not the actual question itself plus the sample answer to boot. Then they also want handicap marks. And their lecturers will most probably spoon feed them with all his notes to make their studying easier. Thats why we have "unemployable graduates" who demands the government owes them a living.

The University of Washington is ranked 55th in the world.

Anonymous said...

Wow, That's what I call independent thought. Rox

Anonymous said...

Good one, Zorro!!

At least this helps brighten slightly the gloomy times (HELL) that we are experiencing right now! Ha ha.....

Kata Tak Nak said...

Oh my god. Thats goooood.

TowToner said...

Could I have your permission to copy and paste this on my blog?

zorro said...

Towtoner....go ahead. Pls acknowledge source, though.

TowToner said...

Thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

Zorro
I need your permission too, 4 my blog,priceless
cheers

zorro said...

ctannie.....feel free....share with your readers.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful piece. I like the conclusion. I can die peaceful knowing I'll go to heaven

darcwil said...

:)

I like!

EXCELLENT!

cabr said...

This is an urban legend:
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

jediraj said...

Great Piece i must say ,Well deserved A+ .

kittykat46 said...

Pretty good answer, actually.

In my student days, I did a subject on "Logical and Conceptual Thinking". One of the lecturer's favourite exam questions was to construct a Thought Experiment, and let you argue out the answer.

There is actually no standard "Correct" answer, you get marked on how well you argue your answer and present your facts in logical terms.

You might guess this was an overseas university. Sad part of Bolehland's education system is it does not encourage students to THINK, instead of just regurgitating facts in exams.

muststopthis said...

good read, though...thats the world of Internet for us then....cabr

zorro said...

Kitty....reflects in your comments...Logical and Conceptual Thinking that is. Edward de Bono's books should be a must in our schools.

Nallakarupan Murugiah said...

That's so true. But he shouldn't have been given an A+.
He forgot to mention the fact that Hellraisers outnumber Prophets, Popes, Monks and Priests in relation to the theory.
Given that 95 percent of the population of any country sleep with their own Teresas, or worse, in 95 percent of their adult lives, they are thus Hellraisers.
Thus hell, I think, has not just frozen over, the ice from it has been used for the supply of frozen marguaritas in Heaven as well. Which makes hell a fuckin cool place to be if its not hot. Cos' that's where most of us are going, including most of the hottest babes in history.

Lao' Cha said...

Heaven or Hell would have given this fella an A+ too. This splendid answer will have me pondering and smiling 10 hours from now. Genius !!!

All of a sudden, I got this compelling urge to rummage for that old diary of mine. I am sure I knew a lady called Teresa. Ya, Thank God, it's all coming back to me !!

Anonymous said...

Msia are bond to certain *VALUES* where certain race are superior!

The so called superior race can think!!!

RESIDENT.WANGSAMAJU said...

Najib... see you in hell!

zorro said...

Nallakarupan! Macha you my man all right. Spot on.

Lao' cha.....you too dig that name Theresa, huh? In fact there is a 50's song that goes like this: Why am I always yearnbing for Theresa.....

caravanserai said...

We are schooled to think
There is Heaven and hell
Even when we were small
Parents did their job well
Teaching us don’t be naughty
Else you go to hell!

Religions tell the story
Wanting the people to be good generally
Upright people caring for others
And the environment we live and stay

Branding hell
People who disagree
People who don’t follow the masses
People who don’t follow rules

I think we make our own hell and heaven
Within our souls we battle with it
Cool and heat; heat and cool
It involves all around us
We are living in hell and heaven
Only we don’t know………..

When we expire
It is said back to earth where we belong
We have souls; we have no spirits
So there is no hell
Only heaven(s) wait

When God converts our souls into spirits
Then we have our second chance to make good
Else we burn in hell in His punishment
For not following His ways of good relationships

Anonymous said...

I give this thesis a night thought! I bet all politician going to hell???

TheWhisperer said...

Great post, uncle zorro!! It had me laughing for the past 2 days.

This guy is a genius to be able to come out with this deduction. After all, nobody really knows what goes on in HELL.

May i have the privilege to post this on my blog as a collection of Great Post?

Thank you for your interesting blog. I ll use your blog as a guide to mine.

zorro said...

Whisperer, use anything you need in this blog.....ANYTIME. Nothing beats SHARING....and in sharing we are also learning.

Anonymous said...

Regardless of the fact it is an urban legend, the ‘wow’ factor hinges on the fact he got an A+ and had a very creative reply to the bonus question. Some people are ‘amazed’ that he received an A+, based on his answer. He's obviously very smart, and did very well on the rest of the test. THAT’S why he got an A+. Snopes reports that “it was not revealed what grade the student got” and frankly, I find that more compelling. Stating that he got an A+ only served to wow the fools. It would be more believable if his grade was not revealed. Good story, nonetheless.