Thursday, April 26, 2007

ZAM IN ANOTHER JAM


The Star reported that your (not mine, do you mind!) Minister of Information SLAMMED the BBC for interviewing Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim. I take umbrage over the use of the word slam. A gnat bites, stupid. A big guy slams a puny guy, bodoh! Well probably slams rhymes with Zam. A little bit of alliteration does improve the literary quality of a political newsletter.

What the above political news organ did not report is the verbatim tele-conversation that transpired between the Minister and BBC's World Service Director (WSD) and its World Service Commissioning Editor (CE). Hantu (v.5April posting) was able to secure an unexpurgated transcript of the conversation:

JAM : Selamat Pagi
WSD : Yes, hello Mr Cellmate Peggy
JAM : I am saying Good Morning
CE : Splendid. Who are we speaking to?
JAM : I am Yang Berhomat Datuk ......(static interference).......
WSD : Hello Mr. Yang. How can we help you?
JAM : I am the Minister of Information of Malaysia.
CE : An honour to speak to you, old chap!
WSD : What's rocking ...... (static)....and brewing old sport?
JAM : This has got nothing to do with Rocky's Bru.
CE : What then, old chum?
JAM : I am not old for your information.
WSD : Sorry, old lad, its an English term of .......(static)...endearment....(static)....
JAM : I dont take deer meat, unless it is halal.
CE : (whispering) I think he has a hearing impediment.
WSD : What's .....(static) eating you anyway?
JAM : No I have not eaten. Why you interview Anwar Ibrahim?
CE : Oh, Mr. Anne-wah. Well, because he was finally available. We have been meaning to
interview him months ago. He has been too busy with speaking engagements, jolly busy
this Anne-wah chappy.
JAM : Of all person, why do you want to interview a bankrupt politician?
WSD : Hold your horses, Mr Yang. Of the 72,360 declared bankrupt in Malaysia since 2002,
your Deputy Minister in the Prime Minsiter's Department, a Mr. Kay-vee-ass says that
Mr. Anne-wah is not a bankrupt.
CE : And Mr. Yang. we dont take kindly to libellous pronouncements against our guests.
JAM : What did I pronounce wrongly?
CE : (whispering...) Nigel....this chap is a tad bloody dense.
WSD : What else Mr. Yang?
JAM : I dont understand why you gave a platform to an unwanted politician who was rejected
by the people.
CE : That's a dastardly accusation, Mr Yang
JAM : I did not accuse you of being a bastard!
WSD : I'll let that go. Disqualified maybe, but unwanted, definitely no, old boy.
CE : Our record says he never lost an election. So how can he be rejected?
JAM : Why dont you interview Mr. Lim Kit Siang, he is the Opposition Leader.
WSD : Jolly smashing idea. But in fact we already have a recorded interview embargoed to
air soon.
CE : In fact I have the transcript of the interview....let me see.....here it is....an interesting
observation about you....under buying of titles....no....under buying of votes.....ermmmm...
are yes, here it is....under buying of awards....says here you were bestowed a prestigious
award....some Takoh Watawan Negara.....nothing to do with death-defying leap from
Nigara Falls, old sport?
WSD : Mr Yang, are you still with us?
JAM : I am not happy you gave Anwar this opportunity.
CE : The BBC management approves our choice. We are very discerning about who we inter-
view. Mr. Anne-Wah is very charismatic, very eloquent, superbly articulate, impeccable
diction and above all globally visible. However, we can make an exception in the name of
good international relations. Can you be available for an interview.
JAM : Yes.
WSD : Capital. We will schedule Tim Sebastian of HardTalk to do you the honours.
CE : Mr Yang......Mr Yang....
WSD : He slammed down the phone Neil.

He slammed down the phone. So that's why the Star says he "slams News Channel over interview
with Anwar. Latuk, you miss an opportunity to trumpet your communication skills. On hindsight, it is a good decision. We might loose tourists and Tengku Adnan might label you a liar. Best both of you slam shut your mouth. Both of you got into an embarrassing situation like the above pic. If both of you want to address the international stage, best you practise with RTM 1 or 2.

15 comments:

shar101 said...

Yo Zorro,

Excellent piece of third party narration and it could well be a true reflection of our..your..uhmm..
ok, Star's news report on a cabinet minister of Malaysia.

Nice pic too. "The job's not done till the paper work is".

And the icing on the toilet seat will be ZM's proposal for BBC to interview LKS.

AAB: What were you thinking?
ZM: Sorry, boss. I wasn't....
Oh! Were you referring to that 'Thinking blogger' thingy...
AAB: Ohh..stfu and get out.

Daily Nibbler said...

Ha ha...good one, Zorro. Show how much the minister controls the press. His attempt on BBC shows how much more he would have been done on the local press.

mob1900 said...

Great satire that stays true to the original message! Wicked!

The Ancient Mariner said...

That was funny, sifu.

But Zam in a jam? I dont think so. There are many twits who will say he did the right thingy. So tune in the same time next week for the next episode of ...

Daphne Ling said...

Haha! Nice conversation!

Oh dearie...I did cringe when I read the report in The Star...After all, why on Earth would this Jam guy slam someone from BBC about an interview like this? The BBC (thank you veyr much, is much older and wiser than Jam-mie) had every right to interview whom they want...Even if the person is a convicted murderer also they have a right what...Aiseh...The whole thing spelled embarrasment for Malaysia only lar...Until who BBC want to interview also got problem...

Goes to show how secure our people are in their own positions...They are afraid if something else is said, people might actually start to think about what is actually going on...And we know that if people start thinking, it spells disaster for those who have brains that think not...

jasgill said...

Ha Ha great piece of satire. Regarding the pic, this jam guy sure not panic one when toilet roll run out cos he never wipes after the big job. In fact to him there is no difference between what’s under his skull and what's coming out below. I would bet that he is severely constipated and lovin it too cos that means he is full of it. Like I said in a previous comment, this guy and his colleagues are nincompoops masquerading as politicians.

Daily Nibbler said...

Zorro, hear there are phantom or ghost voters in Ijok.

Your hantu services are needed to counter...he, he

yok hoong said...

he thinks BBC belongs to UMNO. you know, he is so..so.. used to the fact the press is under his thumbs. One phone call, all the editors will toe the line even if it means outright lies.
Mr Zam, do you still want me to believe whats reported in the mainstream media now?
By the way, how did you receive the Tokoh Wartawan award? I better not say whats in my mind coz you may use the axe ie. libel suit on me. better watch what I say with taikos like you (who may go beserk any time) around.

Clark Gable of Pulau Duyong said...

Dear Zorro',
This toko KEWAWA-TAWANAN is real disgrace to any 'wartawan'in Malaysia.
BBC can interview a murderer ,terrorist or even child molester in Malaysia, ZAM wouldnt even bat an eye ,but come a politician ,his antenne sprung up like viagra driven self,all because he is suppose to be a guard dog that need to justify his existence.
I remember a Duck in a movie 'Babe'.When the time come for family dinner and some farm animal needed to be slaughtered ,everyone started to make himself useful.ZAM is the Duck in that movie as the duck tried to take the job of the Cockerel to wake everyone up in the morning...to show his usefulness to the farmer family,all out of tune....ZAM is doing the 'Duck' thing here and every reporter weep out of embarassment for their so called kopi-o TOKOH!!

One TOKO KETAWA-tawanan we got here.

FaizulMd said...

You should make a telemovie about this, Zorro. Just like the Malay dramas on RTM.

J.T. said...

Hilarious Zorro. I enjoyed that. Mr Yang Jam got slammed.

Mat Salo said...

Power laa Unker...I really enjoyed this!

Rocky's Bru said...

Zorro, you realised our Zam was not "heard" or "seen" in Ijok? He must have been there but perhaps the mainstream media decided not to give him coverage. I wasn't watching RTM so I might have missed him during the by-election campaign. It is my belief that the BN won partly because the Ijok people "forgot" or were protected from the memory of someone by the name of Zam. Otherwise, Khalid would have won.
p.s. And Zam is Tokoh Wartawan Negara, can you dig that?

The Ancient Mariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Ancient Mariner said...

On the car radio on my way to Ijok on Friday, I heard the late Tunku's famous "Merdeka" cries at the Merdeka Stadium in '57 replaced by that of Najib's!. Really pissed me off.

Perhaps the DPM himself isnt aware of this but I suppose there are enough ball-carriers in RTM to help continue to mislead the young.