Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Let's Lighten Up A Bit Today



Let's be happy.....Rocky's case went on well....today at 9am Jeff too should be doing just as well.....I met beautiful Elviza and macho Mat Salo in the flesh....so today's posting is a happy posting.

The Value of a Drink
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame
Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes

and dreams
. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell

happened to your bra and panties

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're

going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not"
~ Stephen Wright


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,

we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all

get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the

history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the

wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does

not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:


"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."



21 comments:

Daily Nibbler said...

Tsk, tsk...these are no excuses for excessive drinking of alcohol. Someone I love had a stroke due to excessive drinking of alcohol; half paralyzed for ten years before past away.

Sorry to pop the bubble - my sincere advise. I have seen the person deteriorate with my own eyes.

Allied said...

Never mind that...refer to the last paragraph!

I have been in the service industry, and yes indeed, some fall in to that crack which just consumes him/her!
5% alcohol in beer.. ... not hard liqour!

Zorro, 1st one is on me, this Thurs!
Cheers!

HSingh said...

So thats what happened to my slow brain cells !!!

Now for my PhD and IQ of a zillion - coming up soon.

desiderata said...

zorro:

Wrt: "In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

How many grates art thou Bed-Prepared to experiment on this Brownie, Desi? :):):):):):)
FYI: SE7EN is my lucky number.

PS: Regards to "RockyBrew" -- wishing marching "Success" to Thursday DO, my spirit/s will be dare:(

Elviza Michele said...

Dear Zorro,

Oh you are too generous with your compliments.

Our picture that you sent me is now the screen saver on my laptop. I love it.

See you tomorrow at 5. My turn to buy you a drink my Zorro!

zorro said...

Daily Nibbler....anything in excess is never good. Moderation is the hallmark of a mature drinker.It all depends on the person's intake too....after seven Zorro is just warming up and the 2nd could jettison Desi into a Shakespearean spin.Havinder, sift the chaff from the gold grains....like I will walk the extra mile for Victoria Bitters. Tks Allied...see you at 5.30 tomorrow.
What Desi you .....you one of our ALPHA bloggers....not attending the meet that will bring about a paradigm shift in cyber-media? Wont forgive you if thou chooseth to giveth this parley a miss.

zorro said...

Elviza, hard to get me to blush, but I am now. This morning Shern & Delamore (who continues to be "fatally defecient") got a postponement on Jeff's case. Stalling to strategise I perceive. Yes, will see you at 5 tomorrow. Take care.

Daily Nibbler said...

Yep. Moderation is the key. Like one glass with gold fish swimming in it for the rest of the night. Do I sense stares that could freeze the booze?..heh heh.

Anyway, love the way you write, Zorro. Keep it up!

Mat Salo said...

Whoa...hang to to your hair, heh. I've been called many things, but never "macho", but ok also if you think so. You sure you weren't.. err - imbibing something stronger when making these "observations" sir? hehe.. btw if you got any images of m goodself, sir, can you kindly email please? My email address is on my blog. Likewise, I'll do the same. Thank YOU!

Mat Salo said...

Whoa...hang to to your hair, heh. I've been called many things, but never "macho", but ok also if you think so. You sure you weren't.. err - imbibing something stronger when making these "observations" sir? hehe.. btw if you got any images of m goodself, sir, can you kindly email please? My email address is on my blog. Likewise, I'll do the same. Thank YOU!

Rajahram said...

It's a trap.It's a trap.You feel smarter after a few beers.....like you own the world.Jesus,it's the alcohol that's responsible, not the beer.But what is beer without the alcohol.See you tomorrow,buddy.

shanghaistephen said...

Hear ye..hear ye !da beerz da besta drink in the hole wite wholde.. hic, ...hic! Cheeeeers mate !

Jazzi said...

Bravo bravo! =) Loved the humour. BUt of course hopefully no one takes them literally....

shar101 said...

Real men drink beer from 'kick-ar*e' mugs. And may I say the top pic is a fine example of one to imbibe the golden brew.

Ahh...Zorro, talking about 'goldie' stuff, I think there's a bottle of Walkin' Johnny that got left behind at NPC last night for us to polish off on Thursday. But some of us usual suspects couldn't hold off the 'ceremonies'.

A Voice said...

Ohhhh missed Rocky's Walk With Us and Jeff's too. One from bad back and another from bad angkle... sprained it and now my gout has taken effect on the sprained joint.

Looks like I am goign to miss our Blogger United get-to-gather.

zorro said...

Hey Voice, you take care. We know for sure that if not for those inconvenience you would be one of the first there. Avoid innards, bean products I hear. Tske care, ok?

Daphne Ling said...

Hey,
A good laugh, but I hope you dont drink yourself unconscious...I'm a teetotaler, but still found it funny...=) Cheerio!

lc teh said...

Warning: "Excessive intake of alcohol may lead you to think every woman is a beauty. Therefore it is advisable to leave before daybreak to avoid disappointment."

monsterball said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
stand-up philosopher said...

Beers are evils of life. It makes you intoxicated. It makes you angry. It makes you want to shoot your spouse....It makes you miss!!!
Ha Ha Ha Read it from somewhere lah.

zorro said...

Tks for the concern Daphne. Zorro is a very responsible guzzler.