Monday, February 5, 2007

10 Reasons why you should Visit Malaysia (to learn how we get this done)

1. Learn how we can arbitrary declare a State, developed in 1 easy step. You don't need to be a rocket scientist. If you are in the dental industry, that helps. If you are a politician, it helps prodigiously money-wise. Just announce this in the government-owned media. See Truly Easy.

2. Also, free. Learn how we shamelessly impose city-status on any identified town. Requirements though are quite restrictive, like your roads must qualify with at least 16,000 pot-holes and your roads must be flanked by a minimum of 28,000 bill-boards. These prerequisites are important because they are income-generating.Truly Innovative.(Travel Advisory: Best to come before Elections.)

3. Visit Malaysia to see the latest in nouveau art-form. Spray painting in red. Subjects range from automobiles to house facade. But the latest trend in to paint pets red. Kind of painting the town red and done with Malaysian abandon. Dont miss although it is on-going. Truly Trendy.

4. Not to be missed whilst on your learning tour of Malaysia. See our elected clowns, sans their motley attire, now donning western lounge suits, go through the same hum-drum antics. Hint. Best to witness this when our Parliament is in session. You missed a great debate on such nation-saving topic like to wear a tie or a bow-tie. For us citizens, it was a rare intellectual treat. Advise you tape this for translation into your own language....if you do not understand Manglish. Truly I Am Lost For Words.

5. Visit us to learn the subtle art of body-snatching, be it for medical research or other nefarious inclinations you might fancy. Do not guarantee you will witness this chicanery because it is currently declared off-season. Truly Intrigue-ing.

6. Learn how to succeed without trying. No paper qualifications required. A success case-history involved a home-bred lowly railway-crossing guard whose job was to lift a rounded wooden barrier so that an oncoming train would not break the barrier when passing thru. See, not necessary to use brains. He became a celebrity when he succeeded in building a mansion without any paper-work and then qualified to act as tour guide to our Premier on a not to purchase luxury toys. Truly Ingenious.

7. How to get away with murder. You missed the first episode but you could witness the next explosive episode if you care to consult the AG Department. Expedite by visiting Truly Explosive.

8. You will also learn how to engineer the Mother of all Cover-Ups. Dont miss this opportunity to see first hand, how the citizens are cowed and bullied into yes-men with our own Made-In-Malaysia patented Official Secrets Act. Truly Malaysian.

9. Time your vist to attend an all-paid 2 day seminar on how our own Napoleon Hill share their "(Dont) Think and Grow Rich" experiences. Seminar topics include: How to Rape (verdant hills); Easy Steps to building on Slopes; Caring - enriching your cronies and beloved; Six Steps on Council Accounts Massaging; How to get a Datukship and payable when able; Truly Cheap. (Early birds(first 4,000 to register) get front seats and high tea with all key-note speakers.)

10. If your hobby is bird watching learn Malaysia's own Snoop on Smooch. Catch Malaysians in kama-sutra poses, with special guide and on-th-job experience courtesy of our friendly religious sheriffs. No follow-us fees and exhibits caught on camera will be framed and presented to all foreign visitors. Truly Snoopy.

But we must be doing something really RIGHT. Malaysia have not appeared on any Mafia Dons' radar........or maybe we ain't worth the distraction.

Malaysians are invited to add to this list for the next round of Visit Malaysia Year 2011.


Buaya69 said...

How about Moto R1? Forget about Monaco. Forget about daytime racing. Night time kapcai Mat Rempit races are the rage these days. Sanctioned by U-Must-Never-Oppose Youth party. Best seen when the police dragnet the racers. Truly Flying on Wheels. :P

dreamer idiot said...

What a satire... a big serving of ascerbic wit, with a dash of 'sadness' sprinkled in between.

PS. May I be so bold as to alert you to something that could be of some interest to you? Assuming that you might enjoy poetry, I would like to invite you come by our weekly, sometimes fortnightly blog, where we ‘mamak’ on all things poetic. puisipoesy.blogspot

ADrock said...

and if you love fruits,check out juicy yummy pineapples down south johore, dont forget the sweet succulent limau barli from ipoh, strawberry picking up cameron highlands polishing @ putrajaya.

yok hoong said...

fabulous again.

well written, witty and fill wtih sarcasm. really sad that guys like you are the dying breed.

you are up there with rocky and jeff.

god bless.

Daily Nibbler said...

Great to see you are back. Enjoyed your poetry-like writings - sarcasm with a tinge of sadness. Truly gifted. Keep it up. Change the world with your writings.

jasgill said...

Coming soon to Malaysian Government Hospitals. Traditional Chinese Sinsehs imported from Shanghai. They are not allowed to diagnose and their qualifications are not easy to verify. But their services including acupuncture will be offered soon.Truly Piercing.

Landed_Angel said...

Great to see u back. Excellently written.

zewt said...

a fellow blogger having the ability to see the better side of everything... truly subtle... hehe...

do check out my 'respect for malaysian drivers' for similar approach, if you wish to.