Pay this new Blog a courtesy drop-in.

LET'S ALL GIVE "KATA TAK NAK" (CHEGU) THE WARMEST WELCOME.

ZORRO IS INCENSED!

Monday is always a good day....because most Satudays and Sundays are normally dry days unless some "emergencies" are created by buddies. I just topped up the morning with Maria's mee-rebus. I went into the net to clear the junk mails. Since I began blogging I scroll for familiar names unlike pre-blogging days when I just hit empty. The message seemed innoculous: from yr ol fren. It consisted of two questions: Isn't Jean Danker, the PM's bil's wife? Is it true Kalimullah is a playboy and keeping a boy?

I resent this. Even if JD is it is no business of yours or mine. PM can marry anyone he fancies. About Kali, even if he is inclined that way, it is no business of yours. Dont call me your friend. My friends dont use my blog to generate trash. Somebody help.....how do I firewall this and similar son-of-a-bitch coming into my mail? You IT savy bloggers....do you think somebody is slithering in to cause trouble? Whoever you are you spoiled my day. May a million fire-ants infest your windward passage. Zorro, do not use profanities unless irreversibly provoked. Be warned.

WALK WITH AUDRA AND TONY TOO, WILL YA?

AUDRA Atkinson, an MAS cabin crew member, was terminated because she refused to terminate her pregnancy. Terminating a pregnancy if I can remember spells MURDER. I am familiar with Unions. I was in the Campbell Road police lock-up for a few hours because we teachers (National Union of Teachers went on Strike sometime in 1967) marched along Batu Road without a permit. What type of union will agree to a Collective Agreement that infringes on our right to privacy. I pull no punches. Marina Netto, you gotta push harder and stop making concessions to Management and their lawyers. You represent the Union. Dont let it be said that the union can sell out employees. Its been done. I have witnessed these chicanery..... Management and Union do make strange bedmates. Its a pity, Tony and Audra, that THE IR lawyer Murugavel passed away. However, I hope Ms Netto will in future take a stronger professional stand. I;ll pray she does. Band of Bloggers, Unite again for a fellow-blogger .

TAGGING ALONG

I was tagged by Shanghaifish. It was an experience, I assure you. I did some serious soul-searching and I think I did a good cleaning-up job emotionally. In the process I asked Mrs Zorro to shout out some of my weirdness. And she gave me that suspicious look and asked: Whats happening? Since when have you begun on this humility trip? Believe me, it was a good exercise. Whoever started this Nuraina or MarinaM, thank you.

And now I tag the following: Naimah (Patrick, share bro.); SusanLoone (whereever you are); Clark Gable of Pulau Duyong (I'll cross any road with you...have no fear....zorro unmasked is very different from zorro-masked); Politikus (my god-daughter, and you will never get a more caring and protective godfather than zorro(unmasked)....wrtie -off and disown your other god-fathers, legal or otherwise....this is an order from zorro(masked); Alliedmaster (Tony....Zorro with you in your fight with MAS); Jamal of MyAsylum (piece of cake, huh, son?)

Those of you flying around....do alert my tagged six.

I am tagged

Shanghai Steve tagged me. Its a welcome respite. I posted last week about two events during CNY that rankled and tore at me. The Pernas print ad with the caption: Your presence is worth a lifetime of angpows moved and overwhelmed me like a tsunami. Will somebody point out the copy-writer to me. I promise a night of drinks to him/her. Its poignancy still tugs at me. Night of drinks also for the person who will capture and bring him/her to the NPC. Scouts honor....this is poignant too, considering that our PM got the highest scout award from Indonesia: BE PREPARED. I am still seething over the second incident (migrant workers who built this city). And it is not good to write in anger....so I welcome this distraction. You asked for it Shanghai!

Light poles repel, unlike poles attract (as in magnet), Thats a proven. Mrs Zorro was a damn attractive damsel from Muar some discerning gods pointed in my direction. She was earmarked and bookmarked by at least two tycoons heirs. She chose me, a grade 2 only, a non-graduate teach earning about Rm600 per month who went about chauffeured in a thirty-seater. They used to call it a bus then. When the students heard about her choice, they voiced their disgust thru Standup philosopher TonyG: Some boys nearly died and some contemplated entering monasteries!!!!! I must be so weird that Mrs Zorro picked me.....she so ravishingly beautiful and I with my flat nose...morbidly weird. Zorro has been laughing as he rode away.

And these were the boys who strategically placed pencil sharpeners (the ones with mirror on one side) as she moved around the class. These antics were reported by some spoilt-sport student and brought to my attention, me being the DM(discipline master).I was urged to take action. I did not. Because boys are boys and they were going to be boys only once and I was not going to spoil their party. Exuberance of youth, yeah, thats the word. I was not going to dampen that exuberance, even if the victim was my intended (come to think of it I dont remember proposing to Karen....sheesssh) just to please some self-professed moralistic maniacs. Weird huh, and I was the annointed custodian of student good behavior (and may I continue to ask: good behavior by whose standards?)

Then came a time when only the DM and the HM could use the rod. That was the signal for teachers to abdicate their oath to inculcate discipline. "Problem solved. Send them to BK" And the boys line up outside the gym to await some punitive persuasions. They came with pre-printed slips that stipulated how many strokes of the rotan I should administer on those young butts. Some scenes went like this:

Scene 1:
Me: What? Kamal? Five strokes? You deserve 5 strokes?
Kamal: I will give you one Kamal, but if I find out you really deserve 5 you're dead. Go get yourself a
coke and get me a beer (yes, yes, but some covert arrangement we had to canteen
operator stock beer for us PE teachers....I was the head-honcho of PE teachers, mah.
Always believe that a happy teacher is a performing teacher. Similar in later corporate life.)

Scene 2:
Me: Seng Tuck, you gonna get two cuts, it says here.
ST: At least more sir.
Me: What? I didnt declare joke time yet!
ST: I told Mrs. Singh to eff-off sir.
Me: Thinking aloud: That's a man, this Seng Tuck and I didnt even asked why he deserved 2.
Speaking aloud: Now you and I will see Mrs Singh and will apologise to her.
ST: In front of the class, sir?
Me: No. In front of the teachers in the staff-room during recess.
(I did not want him to lose his self-respect in front of his peers).

Scene 3:

I saw this form 6 girl outside the gym. Her name tag says Pria. She hands me that slip of paper that sanctioned me to administer one stroke of the cane.

I wrote "What the fuck is wrong with you" on the slip of paper, sealed it in an envelope and instructed Pria to give it to the teacher.
I was called in to the HM's office for further elucidation of my message to the effed-up male teacher.

Me: HM this is my letter of resignation as DM. I will not do the dirty work of these no-balls, spineless
and pussy-whipped (as in henpecked) teachers.

HM:(Tugging his goatee) and yelling at the yellow-livered teacher: Get out before I starting the
process of getting you transfered.
HM: What kind of letter of resignation is this? Where did you learn how to write letters? No 'Dear
HM' even. Not accepting this and dont bring this up again. Where are you guys meeting
tonite?

Weird huh.... nearly got effed and got two beers off the HM that night at the PJ Club.


I can hand-wash, fold any amount of nappies (no Pampers then). I can change the baby anytime but if the kid poos, I am off to some emergency. Definitely weird. For gods sake, your own kids poo!

On the subject of poo. I can never drop the matter unless it is deliberated sitting! No squatting for me. I will not do it over a hole so I never go camping much to the annoyance of Mrs Zorro who loves the open whereas Zorro always prefered the enclosed and protective ambiance of a watering hole.
I veto any outing where toilets have no seats. Mrs Zorro gets very exasperated but she has never started those legal proceedings.........yet.
Surprising or annoyingly weird?

I am Chinese ok? But I can only manage Chinese to get out of crisis. I am OCBC to my chinese friends - Orang Cina, Bukan Cina - Weird Chinaman?

When Patrina and Kevin attained the age of reason, and if I came home from a night outing and they are not asleep yet they always confront me with: Pa, why so early, got fight ah...boring ah?
So to save them from hearing lies and fibs I come home very early now, as early as when the cows go out to graze. Just after 2am or before 3am is about good, responsible timing. Both Boss (my german shepherd) and Chico (docked-eared Doberman) sleep in the house. There are scared of the night sky. Watch the contents of the house mah? They are watch-dogs lah, not lap-dogs.
Weired sense of protector of the family? Hey, I am the master, do you mind. Nobody kidnapped, nothing stolen. What me worry?

When Kevin, my second child and my last drop to Malaysia's population, was able to sit up (not walk), sit up I avow, I told him to Rennie's Pub along Jl. Gasing before going to fetch Mrs. Zorro from her school. I propped him against the bar-counter wall in the care of the cashier. I was careful that if Kevin fell, the cushioned bar-stool would break his fall. Like all kids, he got bored and began pointing at my beer. Rennie, the doyen of all bar bosses, poured some beer in a tequilla glass and I added a straw to simulate his drinking cup and Kevin got his first taste of this live-giving brew. Minutes later, the cashier shrieked. Kevin pee-ed along the bar top and by all accounts it was definitely a big cloud-burst. Weired parenting? Where was it I heard that it is better to learn it from the devil you know than from the devil(s) you don't know. Also I remember someone saying to Catch 'Em Young.

I have done drugs, as in grass, weeds, ganja. It was the time when the authorities were propagandering (new word) about drugs. I couldnt tell my students dont do it because big brother says so. I have to know if it was harmful, before I tell the kids, "dont let me catch you on it!" So over the weekends when Zorro and his teaching buddies could afford the little extra and Mrs Zorro in a good cooking mood we would have a bash. Dynamite-pungent fish head curry, cured vegie (grass lah) and laced with cheap army beer. No we did not chase any dragon. Weired, without a doubt! But as teachers, we worked hard, played hard, drank hard. Today, we do not carry any mental scars with us....we were teachers, christians, hindus, muslims and a few atheists (free-thinkers....was the in-thing those days.). We carried no chips on our shoulders.

Eight already but the tagging rules says six. I hate some rules. I am a maverick. So here's more:

Our rags then were platform shoes and bell-bottoms. Long hair was in, but not for teachers. I resented that so I grew my hair long. I was called in by the amiable, rotund Welshman, Bro. Bernard, my headmaster. His usual way of admonishing was telling you off and smiling. "Bernard, cut your hair."
Me: Brother, can you pull out the two terms exam results of all the Form 3s.
Bro: What for? (but he got the clerk to do that)
Me: Brother, compare the marks my top 10 students to the top ten in the B & C classes.(I always
opted to teach the last class, so mine was Form 3D)
Bro. Yes, your top ten had higher marks than the top 5 in the B and C class...and your first boy
scored better than the A class first boy.
Me: So Brother, this long hair is not a bad influence on my students performance?

Weired Recalcitrant. TDM would love me, yes MarinaM?

The Selangor Education Department sent out a directive, with drawing on how teachers should abide by their tonsorial directives. The Malay Mail printed the drawing. I wrote to the Malay Mail and pointed out that even monkeys had their hair-line in line with the bottom-tip of the ears. The drawing showed the stipulated hair-line to be a line between the top end and the bottom end of the ears. Weird molder of youths? Depends on which end of the anatomy you do your thinking with.
VIVA LES WEIRDOS. We make the world go round.

WE WILL WALK WITH YOU

TODAY WE WALK WITH ROCKY

1 MONTHL OLD TODDLER WILL TAKE ON THE BULLY BOYS

ONE MONTH OLD BUT GAINING STRENGTH EVERY DAY.

LINK ARMS TO PROTECT OUR SACRED RIGHTS.

Band of Bloggers, gather the band to walk with Rocky and Jeff on 22 February 2.30pm. They are taking the blows for our freedom of speech. Walk with us to cushion the blows with your bulwark support. Four cowardly Malaysians (?), under corporate cover are challenging Jeff's and Rocky's right to freedom of speech and right to disagree; even their right to call a spade a spade (defamation?) The suit brought against them is a suit against every bloggers' right to free speech.
Many of us have posted agreement in both their blogs. That was our right to agree or otherwise. That is what unity in diversity is all about. It would be a very mundane and bland Malaysia if we just kow-tow, sit on the fence (too long in this posture can be painful), lick ass or polish apples and close one eye. Bloggers are a special pedigree. That's why we are free to agree and sometimes vehemently disagree with each other without threatening suits against each other. The tit for tat mentality of the puerile 4 is infantile. Those cowardly 4 are supposedly professional journalists. They are sufficiently equipped with all the resources they have in their media to counter or refute.
They abdicated the right to use their journalistic armaments ....words. Instead they ran to seek despicable shelter from their NaSTy bully brother, who in turn went slithering into the legal undergrowth to seek redress. Rocky and Jeff used the only weapon they possess - words penned from the heart, the craven four chose other weapons....not a fair fight by any stretch of the imagination.We the Band of Bloggers will fight you even if you let loose your bully-boys to tie our hands before the fight. We will end up using our brains and we will bite, even if you threaten us with your ISA. The Band of Bloggers comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but we are a united bunch of Malaysians who will not prostitute our right to dissent. Bring out your legal goons, the Brotherhood of Bloggers will link hand, lock arms and shoulder to shoulder, defend our stand for free speech. United we fear not.

COUNTDOWN TO 22 FEBRUARY 2007

BAND OF BLOGGERS, GATHER THE BAND, ITS JUST ANOTHER TWO DAYS. COME WALK WITH US IN SUPPORT OF ROCKY AND JEFF. DENMARK HOUSE, 22 FEBRUARY 07, 2.30PM.

Of Lonely Old Folks and Migrant Workers Who Built Our Cities.

Its Chinese New Year today but two things have dampened my the festive mood. A Petronas Chinese New Year print ad (the Star 17 Feb.N7) portrayed 5 elderly Chinese in classic rustic genre sharing a CNY reunion dinner. The scene was so meaningful. But it was the caption that tore at me: "Your presence is worth more than a lifetime of angpows." Questions began to pop up: Where are their children and grand children or even great grandchildren? Too inconvenient to make it for the reunion dinner? Are celebrations with friends more exciting and attractive than a meal with the old folks? Don't want to be caught in the exodus frenzy on the expressway? Are our young slowly but surely abandoning this age-old tradition? Are modernity eroding this time-tested filial values? Looking at those five elderly folks you could add in your own questions.

Another Petronas CNY video clip that I probably never saw on terrestrial TV told a similar story that ended with this voice-over: Old folks alone in one place. Maybe you should go home this Chinese New Year. Too late now. But you should next year, huh?

I am reminded of an article read some years ago about a widower who for years faithfully prepared the reunion dinner. But his children never came.

Another online story tells of 4 senior ladies in an Old Folks Home. One said that her son is busy building his business; the second said that her son is a surgeon in Singapore; the third volunteered that her daughter sends her lots of money every three months. "And what about you?" they asked the fourth inmate. "My Ah Keong, is a vegetable seller. Ah, there he is. He has come to take me for a reunion dinner, just the two of us." They drove off in a beat-up Toyota Corrola circa 1969. ( Keong tends a small plot of vegetable that he sells in the town market. He lives in a rented shack, just by his plot, certainly not conducive for his 78 year old arthritic mother.) After dinner he drop his mother at the home to begin his 340km journey home to his plot/home. At least he fulfilled an obligation.

Blogger sklc lifted up my spirit somewhat. He blogged: "I'm about to log off and swipe out from the office. Just thought I'd spare a thought online before my CNY holidays. Tonite a 800km journey awaits me as I drivbe from JB to Penang. I am eager to arrive home as soon as I can, and also all the more eager to see my loved ones. To all other drivers out there, here's wishing you a safe journey and remeber the Ops Sikap. Remember that my life is precious."

Earlier I said two things dampened my CNY mood. I'll blog that tomorrow. The first one still troubling me.

Malaysian Chinese New Year Greetings

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL MALAYSIANS CELEBRATING THIS FESTIVAL.

TO ALL MALAYSIANS TRAVELLING, BE SAFE. ZORRO CARES.

BAND OF BLOGGERS WHO HAVE NOT CROSSED STATE LINES, REMEMBER WE NEED YOU AT DENMARK HOUSE, 22 FEBRUARY 9AM.

GOOFER OF THE WEEK AWARD

Week-ending every Wednesday will be Goofer of the Week Award Day. A bit of explanation on this unfamiliar word is appropriate: goof, goofer (n): foolish, stupid,person or mistake.
goofiness: abstract noun
goofed (v): act of blunder, bungling
goofer (adj or adv) : silly person or action.
goof-off (v): e.g. using company time to do personal business or
civil servants playing golf during working hours to
bond with and/or collect from clients.

At the end of each month, we will pick the not-yet prestigious Goofer of the Month Award winner from the weeks awardee. Of course, all of you are eligible to nominate your candidate who must possess the above prerequisites. Remember , our PM wants us to be responsible bloggers so I will insist that your nomination must be accompanied by a qualifying citation or brief description of his/her goofiness.This award can be won by any person (e.g. Deputy Minister, Housing and Local Goverbment) or thing (like the Petaling Jaya City Council). If they are under the carpet, sweep them out. Happy Sweeping then.

I took the liberty of taking a global ride (like trawling) to ferret out some goofs around the world:

1. Judge rules government supply of Marijuana is inadequate. (The Mercury Times, Washington). Medical researchers, reports Michael Doyle, need more marijuana sources because government supplies aren't meeting scientific demand, a federal judge ruled. In an emphatic but non-binding opinion, the Drug Enforcement Administration's own judge is recommending that a University of Massachusettes professor be allowed to grow a legal pot crop.
...."the existing supply of marijuana is not adequate." Administrative Law Judge Mary Ellen Bittner ruled.
.......The Federal Government"s 12 acre marijuana plot at the University of Mississippi provides neither the quantity nor quality scientists need, researchers contend.
...........competition in the manufacture of marijuana for research purposes is inadequate, she volunteered.

Zorro (aside): I have always harbored a surreptitious inclination, on retirement, to build a small house in the country with a small unobtrusive plot at the back to grow some grass. Now that the country is into biotech, you think the government will support by leasing out a tract of land (already raped bald by government-approved pirates) for the cultivation of ganja for export to universities or big-time pharmacological outfits? Worth pursuing, yes?

2. Zoo Pays Fung Shui Expert to Aid Monkeys. Los Angeles (AP). The Los Angeles Zoo paid USD4,500 to an expert in the ancient Chinese art of fung Shui to ensure 3 endangered golden monkeys on loan from China can have a strong life force. (Lillian Too where art thou?)

3. Good news for goof-off government officials: Doctors claim on-the-job naps might cut risk of heart problem.

4, Bangkok police on alert for under-aged kissing on Valentine Day. (Our religious-sheriffs are busy kissing on this Valentine Day).

5. Archaeologists won't separate prehistoric couple unearthed in eternal embrace.

Malaysia's Goofer of the Week

Deadline Malacca: Headmistress of SMK Tun Tijah, identified as Noorhayati, pinched 30 SPM students for their parents' non-attendance at a mandatory pledge-taking ceremony. An irate parent confronted the said pincher who claimed, in defence, that she did not use much force in the pinches. Further pressed, the Sun reported, she admitted her transgression and offered for the aggrieved students to pinch her back.

Fact is, it was a race between Noorhayati and Robert Lau, Deputy Minister, Housing and Local Government (see previous posting) for this first coveted award. However, Noorhayati breasted the tape first. For her magnanimous and heroic "pinch me back" we award her Goofer fof the Week Award. Sorry, award certificate not at the printers yet.

Of Ang-pows,Toilet Technology, Band of Bloggers and the Next Superpower - Public Opinion.

I was on my way to deliver an ang-pow to Datuk Seri OKT (not Or-Kwee-Tau. I leave it to Buaya 69 to do the necessary definition of this Hokkien term.) My friends have labeled me "OCBC" as in Orang Cina Bukan Cina, and the little Hokkien and Cantonese I picked up in massage parlours, knock-shops, girlie-bars and Eastern Caberet is just sufficient for me to get by in crisis situations. Back to the ang-pows then.....

I saw Bob(bit) Lau's car in the driveway. Robert Lau of course is the deputy minister, Housing and Local Government, who made no secret about the ministry's intention to have colleges run courses on toilet technology. Such frivolities in such troubled times. Fellow Malaysians, the next time you go to our public toilet, the toilet bowl will analyse your urine or you load and send the result print-out to both Minister and Deputy Minister for appropriate action. Such 'low-down' progress. Malaysia Boleh. Back to the ang-pows again.....

I decided that the Minister and Bobby Lau must be in deep discussion about shit, considering that the state of our public toilets are in deep shit and I decided to spend the ang-pow at the National Press Club, on blogger friends.

Nurainah Samad of 3540 Jalan Sudin was cajoling first-time visitor Shar101 to turn from poster-boy to blogging officially. SKThew of MageP Lab was engaging Amir, the Malay Male in the esoteric applications of wu-shu at fore-play. This was not in my league and I moved off to join Stephen of Shanghai Fish and Rocky of Rocky's Bru. The Rock was in deep brewing posture and Shanghai was doing what he does best, making the ladies feel at home. When I saw the Malay Male alone I arm-twisted him to upgrade my blog with site-meter and the Bloggers United logo.

Sheih of kickdefella was conspicuously absent but I learnt that some sicko gutter rat warned him to check his water-tank. A police report is the right thing to do comrade. (Coming soon, a posting on how to lure these mangy rodents out of their putrid abode for scientific research, like transplanting hind legs to the front and vice-versa. This way they invariably cannot come out of their hideout to spread their filth. Hitler would have been proud of me, no?)

The stand-up-philosopher, Tony G, stood me up. Tony, I will not accept your usual "big storm" excuse this time.

I was unable to attend Tun's Criminalise War forum but gathered enough from the Band of Bloggers. To me, something impactful came out of this forum. The Next Superpower - Public Opinion. I quote my first posting verbatim: "This maiden posting ask these questions: Where is the power to think for oneself? Where is the forum for diverse ideas? What happened to the court of public opinion?" The NST, government-owned, has abdicated this responsibility and are thus impotent, blind, dumb. Allow me this analogy: If you have your face up your ass, four of your five senses won't work.

So who better than bloggers can take on this responsibility to responsibly nurture and shape public opinion for the betterment of this beautiful country. We have to make conscious effort to stop the country's slide into mediocrity. Without fear or favour, you Band of Bloggers must take up this mantle. This country needs more than an oil-change, realignment, balancing and tune-up, short of an overhaul, to set things right. Not you can, but you MUST take on this task. Bloggers from all Malaysian States, no half-measures, no ' what if?', JUST DO IT.

CRIMINALISE the OSA

There is a chain-letter I received originating from Sungei Siput, Perak. Fearing the worst that can be inflicted on me should I break the chain I decided to continue this chain through cyberspace.

The letter revealed that a senior minister is suffering from a hair-pulling disorder called TRICHNOTILLOMANIA, the last two syllable of which is telling. There, seemingly, is no known cure for this unnatural hair-loss phenomenon. People susceptible to this malady usually have to make critical, national-security decisions like cosmetic patch-up or prop-up of cracked pillars and the intricate dynamics of sink-holes and rock/landslides. The patient, inflicted, sublimate these conflicts by pulling out chunks of their hair. thus the visible hair-loss. It is believed that the said minister bogged down by such national-security cover-up shinanigans forgot to classify his doctor's prognosis under the Official Secrets Act.

I jack-knifed into the Net and a disturbing wealth of information surfaced. I volunteer the not-so- life-threatening symptoms and effects of this condition.

1. Monomaniacal rantings: starts mildly with the sporadic throwing of furniture at public discourses when aggravated and crescendo-ing into uncontrolled fits of hair-plucking/dislodging of orgasmic proportions. One other side effect are puerile gibberish declarations like, "The Cabinet cannot reveal the agreements......it (OSA) was done in line with the requirements of the law (whose laws?).

2. Vertiginous Numerectisone: A vertigo-related symptom with spinning,dizzying effect, akin to ribald delusions, free-falling into a false belief that a sum of RM30million job, diligently engineered can result in a whooping RM70million. Piece of cake....delusion? but who cares. The cake, the cake like the plane, the plane of fantasy island. Sheesh.

3. Ventriloquism Vituperatamide: vituperative mumblings; the art of producing abuse in voice-sounds so that they seem to come from a person (usually Opposition), place (sensitive press-conferences) or thing (OSA). This skill takes the cake and no sharing, the normal norm.

So you pirates and buccaneers in the closet-cabinet. Criminalise the OSA in particular and the other assinine pronouncements, or I will invoke the potent Arab curse: May 70 million fire-ant make nest in your arm-pits and your windward passages.

Zorro rests until after his visit to the Chinaman.

10 Reasons why you should Visit Malaysia (to learn how we get this done)

1. Learn how we can arbitrary declare a State, developed in 1 easy step. You don't need to be a rocket scientist. If you are in the dental industry, that helps. If you are a politician, it helps prodigiously money-wise. Just announce this in the government-owned media. See Truly Easy.

2. Also, free. Learn how we shamelessly impose city-status on any identified town. Requirements though are quite restrictive, like your roads must qualify with at least 16,000 pot-holes and your roads must be flanked by a minimum of 28,000 bill-boards. These prerequisites are important because they are income-generating.Truly Innovative.(Travel Advisory: Best to come before Elections.)

3. Visit Malaysia to see the latest in nouveau art-form. Spray painting in red. Subjects range from automobiles to house facade. But the latest trend in to paint pets red. Kind of painting the town red and done with Malaysian abandon. Dont miss although it is on-going. Truly Trendy.

4. Not to be missed whilst on your learning tour of Malaysia. See our elected clowns, sans their motley attire, now donning western lounge suits, go through the same hum-drum antics. Hint. Best to witness this when our Parliament is in session. You missed a great debate on such nation-saving topic like to wear a tie or a bow-tie. For us citizens, it was a rare intellectual treat. Advise you tape this for translation into your own language....if you do not understand Manglish. Truly I Am Lost For Words.


5. Visit us to learn the subtle art of body-snatching, be it for medical research or other nefarious inclinations you might fancy. Do not guarantee you will witness this chicanery because it is currently declared off-season. Truly Intrigue-ing.

6. Learn how to succeed without trying. No paper qualifications required. A success case-history involved a home-bred lowly railway-crossing guard whose job was to lift a rounded wooden barrier so that an oncoming train would not break the barrier when passing thru. See, not necessary to use brains. He became a celebrity when he succeeded in building a mansion without any paper-work and then qualified to act as tour guide to our Premier on a pilgrimage...no not to purchase luxury toys. Truly Ingenious.

7. How to get away with murder. You missed the first episode but you could witness the next explosive episode if you care to consult the AG Department. Expedite by visiting www.ageedept.gov. Truly Explosive.

8. You will also learn how to engineer the Mother of all Cover-Ups. Dont miss this opportunity to see first hand, how the citizens are cowed and bullied into yes-men with our own Made-In-Malaysia patented Official Secrets Act. Truly Malaysian.

9. Time your vist to attend an all-paid 2 day seminar on how our own Napoleon Hill share their "(Dont) Think and Grow Rich" experiences. Seminar topics include: How to Rape (verdant hills); Easy Steps to building on Slopes; Caring - enriching your cronies and beloved; Six Steps on Council Accounts Massaging; How to get a Datukship and payable when able; Truly Cheap. (Early birds(first 4,000 to register) get front seats and high tea with all key-note speakers.)

10. If your hobby is bird watching learn Malaysia's own Snoop on Smooch. Catch Malaysians in kama-sutra poses, with special guide and on-th-job experience courtesy of our friendly religious sheriffs. No follow-us fees and exhibits caught on camera will be framed and presented to all foreign visitors. Truly Snoopy.


But we must be doing something really RIGHT. Malaysia have not appeared on any Mafia Dons' radar........or maybe we ain't worth the distraction.

Malaysians are invited to add to this list for the next round of Visit Malaysia Year 2011.

2 Days of Silence.

Dear Band of Bloggers. My 97 year old Mother In Law passed on yesterday. I would like to observe two days of silence on this blog as a mark of respect.

2 Days of Silence.

Dear Band of Bloggers. My 97 year old Mother In Law passed on yesterday. I would like to observe two days of silence on this blog as a mark of respect.