THIS IS HILARIOUS!

THE SUSPENDED ONE?

I normally do not write about religious stuff. I read religious stuff. But when religious stuff goes from the ridiculous to the ludicrous I do get curious and in the process some cats get mushed up. Today the cat is JAKIM. How so? Read

AN APPEAL LETTER TO JAKIM…ASKING PERMISION FOR SEX WITH MY WIFE

Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia

Aras 4-9 Blok D7,
Pusat Pentadbiran Kerajaan Persekutuan, 62519
W.P PUTRAJAYA, MALAYSIA

Hi Jack,

I just got married yesterday. I assure you I got married to a woman.

My wife insisted to have sex with me yesterday. As a loyal citizen of this country, I refused to entertain her request. I am writing to seek permission from you, the exact date and time I can have sex with my wife. Please do not delay your permission, as my urge is much stronger than hers. I appreciate your urgent attention on this matter.

Please spell out clearly by return mail, all the sexual positions and types of sex, I can practice. I humbly request that you do not shorten the list, as you will understand, I just got married yesterday.

I make this solemn promise to you; I will abide by all your terms and conditions. You may want to send your representative from time to time to verify the accuracy of my claims. After you grant me permission to have sex with my wife, I wish to inform you that, I will be conducting all my sexual activities in dark; hence it is advisable that your representative bring a torchlight with him. I further promise to keep the window of my bedroom partially open, so that my sexual activities will never be disputed. The angle of the opened window will be worked out according to your instruction.

As you would have known, I am a novice in sex. If I am not troubling you too much, can you also furnish me diagrams and graphics or pictures, that you may have in your possession, as it would help me very much in accurately dealing with all my penetrations, etc. Again I promise you; all my insertions and penetrations will be accurately carried out according to your instructions.

Please also let me know the maximum erectile length that is allowed for newly married couple. I promise you, I will not exceed that length. Please also let me know whether my wife needs to send a separate letter to check on the depth of my penetration allowed by you.

And also spell out clearly to me whether there is any ‘give and take’ allowance should I accidentally exceed the mandatory requirement.

Go HERE for more of Hi Jack.....

( thank you to the sjs team for allowing me to post this piece, although without prior permission)

NEWS BREAK:

RPK was told to report to the Sentul Police Station at 3:00pm tomorrow. We are reliably informed that JACK has made a police report against Pete. Is it Jack's move to prepare Pete for the post of Minister of Religious Affairs in the new government? God does work in mysterious ways, but not the way of Maradona.