CRIMINALISE the OSA

There is a chain-letter I received originating from Sungei Siput, Perak. Fearing the worst that can be inflicted on me should I break the chain I decided to continue this chain through cyberspace.

The letter revealed that a senior minister is suffering from a hair-pulling disorder called TRICHNOTILLOMANIA, the last two syllable of which is telling. There, seemingly, is no known cure for this unnatural hair-loss phenomenon. People susceptible to this malady usually have to make critical, national-security decisions like cosmetic patch-up or prop-up of cracked pillars and the intricate dynamics of sink-holes and rock/landslides. The patient, inflicted, sublimate these conflicts by pulling out chunks of their hair. thus the visible hair-loss. It is believed that the said minister bogged down by such national-security cover-up shinanigans forgot to classify his doctor's prognosis under the Official Secrets Act.

I jack-knifed into the Net and a disturbing wealth of information surfaced. I volunteer the not-so- life-threatening symptoms and effects of this condition.

1. Monomaniacal rantings: starts mildly with the sporadic throwing of furniture at public discourses when aggravated and crescendo-ing into uncontrolled fits of hair-plucking/dislodging of orgasmic proportions. One other side effect are puerile gibberish declarations like, "The Cabinet cannot reveal the agreements......it (OSA) was done in line with the requirements of the law (whose laws?).

2. Vertiginous Numerectisone: A vertigo-related symptom with spinning,dizzying effect, akin to ribald delusions, free-falling into a false belief that a sum of RM30million job, diligently engineered can result in a whooping RM70million. Piece of cake....delusion? but who cares. The cake, the cake like the plane, the plane of fantasy island. Sheesh.

3. Ventriloquism Vituperatamide: vituperative mumblings; the art of producing abuse in voice-sounds so that they seem to come from a person (usually Opposition), place (sensitive press-conferences) or thing (OSA). This skill takes the cake and no sharing, the normal norm.

So you pirates and buccaneers in the closet-cabinet. Criminalise the OSA in particular and the other assinine pronouncements, or I will invoke the potent Arab curse: May 70 million fire-ant make nest in your arm-pits and your windward passages.

Zorro rests until after his visit to the Chinaman.